LINDA IN NIFTY50+ | She Inherited a Fortune. Then Her Life Fell Apart: How One Woman Is Rebuilding at 59

The Christmas lights were supposed to make things feel normal for the kids. By outward appearances, Linda Perillo looked financially secure, living in the 13,000-square-foot mansion her father, travel magnate Mario “Mr. Italy” Perillo, had built for her and her family. In reality, she was struggling.

Perillo was in the middle of a divorce, and the home was owned by the trust her father had established to manage her inheritance after he died. She said the trustees’ restrictions on distributions left her unable to maintain the home or its four acres. When the landscaper and his father noticed the lights, Perillo said they came to the door and admonished Perillo for providing Christmas lights for her kids while the landscaper remained unpaid. In response to the father’s demand that Perillo turn over an engagement ring or other jewelry in lieu of payment, Perillo’s adult son paid the landscaper $2,500 out of pocket.

“Every time I retell it, it’s like reliving it. It was horrible. It was horrendous,” Perillo said in an interview with Nifty50+.

It was also not the life she expected to be living at that or any stage of her life. Perillo, a blogger, travel expert and shopping consultant who at age 54 authored “Your Payment Method Has Been Declined,” enjoyed a privileged upbringing with a father who “didn’t want me to want for anything, or for my kids to want for anything,” she said.

“And so that was Plan A,” Perillo said.

After having lived through two divorces, the deaths of her parents, kidney cancer and the financial stress of having limited access to her inheritance, Perillo, now 59, says her financial life is “starting to turn a corner.”

“I’m onto to like Plan D at this point,” she said.

Resilience is what got Perillo from the collapse of Plan A to where she is today. The American Psychological Association defines resilience as the ability to successfully adapt to difficult or challenging life experiences. But according to Lynn Zakeri, a licensed clinical social worker and owner of Lynn Zakeri LCSW Clinical Services, it’s not necessarily something you feel in the moment.

“People who are resilient also cry, also worry, also get discouraged,” Zakeri said. “It’s what happens after that, that you continue to try, you continue to engage in life.”

Taking Care of The Kids

For Perillo, that meant taking care of her kids no matter what else was happening in her life.

“You can’t curl up in a ball or go back under the covers and decide today’s not the day to get out of bed,” she said.

Perillo’s Catholic faith is another anchor, and one she strengthens with daily prayer while acknowledging that faith doesn’t prevent bad days, anger or fear. But for Perillo, it provides a sense of certainty – something that Zakeri said often gets lost when someone suffers a loss. Focusing on things you can control provides similar benefits, helping to ground and regulate your emotions, according to Zakeri. That could mean “working on your sleep hygiene, making good choices nutritionally, getting into some daylight” and other forms of self-care.

Zakeri also emphasized the importance of relationships with people who bring out sides of you that you like, and who can offer support without leaving either of you feeling drained. If these techniques look simple, it’s because they are, even if they’re not easy.

“I think resilience doesn’t look dramatic, and that people do have more resilience than they may realize,” Zakeri said. “Recognizing it before they need to pull it out at full force is sometimes really empowering.”

But what if you’re already in crisis?

“Don’t focus on the things you can’t control,” Zakeri said. Ask yourself, “What’s the one thing I can change or influence?” Maybe it’s taking out the garbage, or reading a book or calling a friend. Then keep going with small daily actions.

“The way you talk to yourself is also really important,” according to Zakeri. Instead of saying, “I’m failing,” for example, say “this is hard.” That way, you validate your feelings instead of judging them.

“You don’t have to earn your own compassion,” Zakeri said.